Last night I had a dream, I was in high school again, and going to a formal dance by myself. I looked down at my dress and shoes and felt like I really loved them. When I looked up a super skinny popular girl looked me up and down and laughed at my dress and my shoes. When I looked back at myself I appeared to look like I was 200 pounds overweight, and my dress was dirty and messy and my shoes had holes in them. When I looked back at the girl, her dress was amazing and wonderful and all I wanted. I wanted to BE her instead of being me. She was perfect! Even her heels didn't click down the school halls and make everyone stare at her.
Now, this dream faded away, and in my half awake state, I realized something...all women compare themselves to another woman and then look at themselves and see none of the amazing things that they are. (Now, I know men can do this too...but this is mainly a post to teen girls that I wish I had read when I was a teen.) I then went on a crazy flash back through my adolescence and, even to when I was 21 going through a divorce. What was so similar to my 11 and 22 year old self? I had been to college, learned amazing things, gotten married--AND divorced-- and a million different things in that time. The similarities, looking back, were way too similar.
In High School, I wanted to be a fly on the wall. I did not want anyone to notice me. I did not feel like I was worth notice. I wore the same two sweaters everyday (over nice clean shirts) and my sisters' hand-me-down jeans that were most likely too big for me, but I love them anyway. I told my mom and sister that I just wanted to be comfortable, and that was all that mattered. But, really, I wanted to dress like I saw myself...not that impressive. Now, I did start changing the way I dressed in college, but I still felt kinda like I didn't have much to offer anyone.
Now, what changed when I was 22? This is the thing that I want myself to have understood when I was wanting to be a fly on the wall. I realized that I was worth everything anyone had to offer. I was worth being loved. I was beautiful, and anyone who didn't see it was obviously blind. I stopped trying to hid my nerdiness...because that's what I thought people didn't like about me...and embraced it. I did what I always secretly wanted to do...and guess what!? My closest friend said, "It's about time!"
I am not saying that I want my 14 year old self to embrace Star Trek, LOTR, Harry Potter, or many other amazingly nerdy things sooner...no, what I want is for my 14 year old self to embrace who she really was instead of comparing herself to someone who wasn't me.
My bone is this: Women, girls, teens, whoever, stop comparing yourself to someone who isn't you! God made you uniquely special and wonderfully you. BE THAT PERSON. There is nothing wrong with loving Doctor Who, or loving Cheerleading, or loving Basketball, or still loving Pokemon as a 27 year old(yep...I said it!). As long as you are being the you that you want to be, nothing bad can happen. It is when you are being the you that you think others want you to be that you do yourself a disservice.
It was being the me I have always wanted to be, but never was, that led me to meet my amazing husband. Being with him has even led me to doing stuff that I never would have dared in high school...aka Comiccon and Fantasy-con. I can now say, that at 27, I am my own true 100% self. I don't put much stock on what anyone thinks about me. However, I do listen to those who know me best, and take their opinions into consideration. I do not let what they say control how I feel about myself though.
So....to sum up this long blogpost....sorry....Here is Geine to tell it all for me....
